#110: muse

in my head,
i do everything right

honestamente, no estoy segura de si esto me molestará en el futuro — el pensamiento de que actúas como si estuvieras enamorado de alguien más, o el posibilidad que quieres a alguien de la manera que me quieres. pero esto no es algo que deba impedir que hagas, y no está mal de ninguna manera. sólo estoy paranoico y preocupado de que se dará cuenta de que soy horrible. tengo miedo, pero este es un problema que tengo que resolver yo mismo. esto es todo tan difícil de decir, y no quiero que pienses que estoy siendo estúpido o loco. tal vez podamos hablar de esto, si quieres. simplemente no sé cómo decirlo a usted.

//

some words i just choke on and cannot find a way to say when i need to. it is difficult but i do want to talk to you about this properly but also i do want to talk about it when we are both in better places. maybe we can revisit this conversation when we’re both feeling a little better because it is entirely possible that i’m just in a bad place and that’s what’s making me worry more than i usually would.

aaa paranoia is a hard pill to swallow dry

why is my brain going into overdrive again? oh right — exam season.

 

//

ok ok ok it’s been a whole day and i still feel a bit heavier than i’d like but maybe this is just anxiety about my quiz tomorrow. I thought about what we’ve already talked about and whatever i was thinking earlier today and really it is not a problem anymore bc i Know in my heart it doesnt mean anything not even what my paranoid brain seems to sometimes think it means and

that means everything is okay.

 

breathe breathe breathe aaa

 

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