#109: measure

“you know that place between sleep and awake
where you’re still dreaming but it’s slowly slipping?
i wish we could feel like that more often.”

anxiety anxiety aa i cannot shake this feeling that i am just a constant disappointment but its probably just the monster in my brain trying to fuck with me again!!! breathe breathe this will be okay it will blow past like nothing ever happened

i hate that this is how it always with with my family / my mother — she will say something that cuts or i will just read it that way and we will move on and pretend it never happened because you should show them you’re strong enough that it doesn’t affect you at all

and it always just feels like my abundance of feelings are a huge handicap

i just really want to fast forward like ten years and be free of this already because by then i will be good i will have made something out of myself and no one can say anything about that because i will have gotten there because of my own work and finally finally maybe i can believe all the people who tell me i am smart and capable and worthy

i just want to be there already. the road is so hard when you dont know where it ends or if you will like it there.

x Nat

there’s a hell of a good universe next door, let’s go.”


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