#102: neverland

 why don’t you figure my heart out?

i think i am stabilizing

i hate realizing that my period is coming shortly after a period of awful, awful outbursts because it just trivializes those emotions and makes me feel like a stupid stereotype of the hysterical woman, driven to irrationality just because of her crazy woman hormones. like, i believe that it’s still valid la like the feelings and thoughts are all real and not just period-craziness; i’m just a lil more sensitive than normal and more prone to melting down but there must still be a trigger for me to flip the fuck out

either way.

recess week was lovely and restful and i barely did any work – all i did was eat really good food, sleep a lot and cry lmao what’s new

but now semester has started again and i cannot believe there’re only 7 more weeks until i’m half-done with the entirety of my college experience like … what the heckie is happening time is passing too damn fast i still remember my first week lying in this strange new room worrying that things’ll just go horribly wrong in this place i’ve decided to plant myself

and yes the ground still feels crumbly and unsafe sometimes but for the most part i am glad i am here – i feel like i’m finding the things I want to study and the people i want to remain friends with for the foreseeable future and

i am just glad that this didn’t end up feeling like a huge mistake. i’m glad that things really did prove to work out in the end, and that it seems there’s some god up there i was right to put my faith in, after all.

right now i am supposed to be doing my heretics readings after napping for too long but instead i am just spending time reflecting and listening to the rain outside and i just feel very very much at peace.

a nice little breath of air before i get swallowed by the waves again, yes?

x Nat.

always keep in mind
things are fine and we’ll figure it out

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s