#093: tumult

okay wow hello friends it’s been a month!! i swear it feels like it’s been more than that because a shit ton has happened in the meantime and i guess if we are close enough you probably either know the drama or you can ask and i’ll tell you haha

life is not being as simple as i’d hoped but it’s okay it’s a good kind of complicated that i am grateful to have? always good to have something that constantly makes you feel like you’ve swallowed the sun – that sort of warmth sticks with you and just lifts you for days is absolutely priceless and i am glad to have found this sort of peace even in the wake of what has happened

 

the semester is beginning in a couple of days and i’m moving into campus on saturday and i’ve only just started getting to know the cloneclubsg people and i really love them and everything seems to be very precariously balanced and i don’t want to risk upsetting this with the inclusion of classwork/ballroom/directing/etc. and hopefully this semester i will need to talk to joel less? who knows

i am trying to figure out what it is inside of me that needs saying because lately all i’ve been doing is bleeding bad poetry and i feel like i should switch mediums to prose/drama but i really don’t know how or what to write there. maybe the intro to writing poetry class will help kick me into the next gear and rescue my mediocre strung-together phrases /shrugs

i am actually looking forward to living in my room on campus and figuring out my own schedule/balance in college life again, i think i find a sort of hectic peace in that if it makes sense?? like it’s a haphazard mess sometimes but at least it’s my mess and i have a lot more freedom/leeway in trying to fix it

i guess i hope that i keep my focus this semester and keep my gpa up so i can apply to columbia for exchange next semester – new york in the spring sounds amazing and B R O A D W A Y is always going to beckon me!! looking forward to spanish class also, it’s one step closer to reading my cheeseball spanish lit without translations yey

 

i hope your summer has been good, whoever you are. and if it hasn’t, well, it’s coming to an end and things will feel renewed again. tabula rasa, right? that’s why we make seasons and demarcate boundaries between completely arbitrary things so strictly??

here’s to a good semester.

x Nat.

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