#075: january

hello guys i’ve been absent from this space for a bit oops

i’ve been journalling every day so i haven’t really had to blog for the same catharsis i was seeking last year but hey it’s good to consolidate my thoughts every once in a while

january has been a wreck of a month with crazy highs and lows but i am glad to have found my footing

it’s strange sometimes to fear every step you take because you aren’t sure if the foundations you’ve built are strong enough to bear your weight but it’s a risk you have to take anyway – you can’t hold out forever and there’s that quote that says ships in harbor are safe but that’s not what ships are built for and i guess i’m just blessed that every time i have leapt off a cliff this month someone has been there to catch me, so thank you.

january has been a month of hits and misses but it ended on a really lovely note and i really hope this lasts because finally finally finally everything feels right

here – have some excerpts from my journal

neurobio is.. exceedingly stressful and i feel like a fraud bc everyone else is so smart but hopefully this goes away

11/01

well… it hasn’t really gone away but i do feel infinitely more comfortable so that’s an improvement

everything’s becoming a lot more routine which has its own ups and downs

15/01

routine is safe but i am actively trying to expand my horizons this semester; i am trying and loving new things and i am getting the excitement and fulfilment i need

it was a good day i guess. aside from the fear of it all crashing down around me, it almost feels like things are going back to normal

24/01

 

neuro lab was so fun like WHAT this is what makes me want to be a doctor/surgeon

25/01

welp yes my ambition has changed once again

“sometimes i honestly can’t believe i ended up with you […] to think back to how haphazard[ly] this all began”

31/01

me too, sunshine.
it’s lovely how life just works out sometimes and
well
i guess things aren’t always gonna be easy but it’s worth it and it’s working and that’s what matters.

 

i hope the month has been kind to you too 🙂

x Natasha

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