i am actually handling being home (and being away from all the anchors to my sanity) much better than i thought i would with the exception of going a little stir-crazy
i’ve been baking and planning meetups and planning to exercise/play drums/read a lot more because i feel like i just need to keep myself busy but all i’ve really been doing is binge-watching the shows we used to watch together and
this is not good.
i am handling being away from you okay but i’m not sure if i should just make myself accustomed to the feeling of waiting to talk to you when you’re gone or just completely pull myself off the grid but
i will be okay.
we will be okay.
we will be okay because we’ve talked about this; we will be okay because we communicate and we talk about things that bother us and this matters enough for both of us to make an effort and because i care about you (and i hope the same is true for you) and because if faith is half the battle won, we can really consider this half secured by now
thank you for always helping me feel like things are normal again.
i guess part of me is afraid that i want change and control over my circumstances too much to settle down and put my heart/life in the hands of another but you have stressed to me the importance of stability and normalcy and constancy for you and i guess the idea of a stable home base, whether physical or metaphorical, sounds really lovely especially when it’s with you
i like things to be in flux and always exciting and i hate being bored which is why i do things like color my hair purple or wear bright pillarbox-red lipstick to class when there’s absolutely no need to and make crazy colored desserts for the heck of it but…. i guess as long as we can still find the excitement on stable ground this will all work out
(and i can’t say the idea of constantly having you around when i want/need you is entirely unpleasant)
(i would love that)
ENOUGH CHEESE FOR TODAY i’m going to post my grasshopper pie recipe tomorrow when my eyes aren’t fighting to stay closed so goodnight sleep well!!