#060: expiration

“do you want to do ballroom together next year?”

“no.”

“…no?”

“yeah, no.”

“but… why?”

“…well. what if we break up? i won’t want to be that close to you twice a week; i won’t even want to see your face at all.”

….i don’t know.

part of me really really wants to bc it’s like a disney movie/cheesy rom-com come to life but i don’t know if this will last i don’t know if i want it to last i don’t know if it will be you or me but the uncertainty is there and it’s on the brink of killing me and i just don’t want to promise you more than i’m sure we will have and i hope you can understand why i’m holding back now

i am nervous about meeting your aunt.

i am nervous about you meeting my entire family; i am nervous about you meeting all my friends and everyone who’s important to me because what if one of them tells me they know me and from what they can see of you they doubt we’ll make it through? what if more than one person tells me this? even if i don’t think it’s true now i’m not sure how much my heart can hold on while questioning every choice i’ve made till now and part of me doesn’t want to admit how real this has become.

 

don’t be afraid of what is real.

i really need to learn to start taking good advice.

i really need to stop overthinking things and just live life, even if it’s on the edge, for once

i need to be more sure of myself, of you, of everything

i need to stop caring so much about how sure everything is

i need to be okay with walking on uneven crumbly ground.

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