#044: flutter

i do believe in fate and destiny,
but i also believe we are only fated
to do the things that we’d choose anyway

the chaos of stars // kiersten white

it has been so flipping long since i last updated because life’s been sort of a whirlwind with week 7 in africa and the symposium after that and then school kicking off with absolutely no chill ’cause we’ve got a lithum assignment due this saturday at midnight and a ppt essay due next saturday sigh

i was originally planning to go clubbing with szu and co. tonight because sometimes it really is just fun to let your brain go fuzzy & dance until you can’t feel anything but the dull ache in your feet and the back of your head

but… i don’t know. i guess now that this is really happening with us going clubbing just seems unnecessary and kind of bad? and i mean going with you would probably be absolutely hilarious but i was thinking about how Kirsten asked me what our favorite things to do together are and somehow… i don’t think that’d come up anywhere near the top, so what’s the point? i’d much rather spend friday nights curled up with you over a laptop screen with a chick flick like we were supposed to do tonight but i forgot about the time while doing my essay and laundry and you fell asleep and i feel so incredibly guilty but i won’t wake you up because you need the rest and if i’m being honest, so do i

i never regret or begrudge any of the hours i have given you because i do enjoy and give thanks for every moment we get to be, as hazirah so eloquently puts it, gross. things have been progressing at a pace that’s comfortable for me and hopefully you as well in the past weeks and… i don’t know. it’s been a while since i’ve gotten to feel this happy and safe and my heart is just content, i think.

i remember hazi telling me about her parents’ prayer before their marriage – how they asked that if it’s meant to be, please make it easy – and i remember how i did wish upon whatever i could for that to be the case with this, with us

and so far, so good. things aren’t perfect – nothing ever is. but for me, this is damn near perfect already and nothing’s happened to make me think or expect otherwise

i know it’s not realistic to expect this honeymoon phase to last forever but for now i will just bask in it and be 🙂

i’m sorry i’m so sappy and gross ???? except i’m really not LOL oooops

proper update with either writing or legit life update or south africa stuff soon i promise!!

x Natasha

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