#038: deliberation

sup y’all

it’s been a while since i’ve posted about anything that’s been happening in my life in school so let’s catch up!! ūüôā

i’ve finally gotten my ppt1 and lithum1 writing assignments back and ppt was surprisingly good!! lithum was a tad disappointing though but i’m just trying to take it with a pinch of salt as a learning experience

fifth wall is really stepping up with respect to the amount of time that i have to commit because a) rehearsals for assam pedas mama with sean cham and hazi [which are absolutely crucial because i royally suck at utilizing the stage and giving to my acting partner so i rly have to work] b) tech team trainings whenever they begin??

plus the¬†triple threats are planning to put up¬†little shop of horrors¬†(or at least, our slightly abridged adaptation of it) on halloween night and that’s gonna take up forever and a half because we are starting with absolutely¬†nothing

and the saga buttery starts operations next tuesday so that’s four hours of work a week?

and i’ve been spending¬†an inordinate amount of time with¬†tingkap¬†lately, especially at night because his room is just so peaceful and nice to read in for some reason + he has interesting books like that trashy analysis of sorority life

mm it’s been getting difficult to section off bits of my life because i always seem to be spending my time with the same few people – hazi, szu, yuqi, aditi, zhewei, justin, patrick etc. – it’s not that i begrudge them this time because i absolutely¬†adore them but i just feel like i might be neglecting some other stuff like academics. i have to consciously remind myself that it’s ungraded sem so if there’s any time i should be taking out for a thousand and one unofficial commitments, it should be now.

all that being said, i really am enjoying (parts of) college life. i just spent half the night watching¬†when harry met sally with a bunch of them in 17-101 and then reading in¬†tingkap‘s room until he fell asleep on the floor lmao

i really need to figure all this/myself/you out as soon as possible because once commitments start piling up i won’t be able to waste brain/heart space on this :-/

i just… i like where we are now but i don’t know if i’ll like where we might be headed more. how do you know when things are worth it or not?

some risks pay off in the end, but it’s really too early to tell

one step at a time, i guess.

time to start learning how to face my fears?

x Natasha


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