#026: anecdoche

okay, so i really do need to blog properly about a) the first week of classes and b) the maine’s concert but i also need to finish writing my essay for csi so i won’t allow myself the indulgence of taking the time to slowly format the photos and process my thoughts because that is just…. a luxury i cannot afford right now

instead, i will write very shortly about something i’ve been thinking about a lot lately

i wouldn’t exactly say it happens all the time or that i hate it because sometimes i find myself in that position too it’s just… kind of unsettling and upsetting i guess

n. a conversation in which everyone is talking but nobody is listening, simply overlaying disconnected words like a game of Scrabble, with each player borrowing bits of other anecdotes as a way to increase their own score, until we all run out of things to say. [x]

now, it’s been about three weeks since orientation started and about a week since actual classes started and in this time, we’ve been given so many opportunities to talk – about our feelings, about class material, about nothing at all, to each other, to large groups, to teachers, to ourselves

and while this is all good for self-expression and processing of the myriad of emotion’s we’re sure to be experiencing while we go through a thousand and one changes, who’s really listening?

this is especially a concern in group settings, especially when the facilitator insists that you go in a circle or that everyone has to share. in that moment, it becomes less about listening to a story and finding tiny pieces that you identify with and bonding over that but more on stressing out over what you’re going to say when it’s finally your turn and that just doesn’t seem very healthy to me

it just.. creates a lot of extra barriers between people because you never really process what you hear and often, once it becomes clear, the speaker will feel invalidated and insignificant and that’s no good for personal development and the formation of interpersonal relationships especially now, when they’re still fresh and fragile

i just hope everyone can just slow down a little and really listen to, not just hear, what the people around them are saying

if one kid speaks in a forest and no one gives a fuck about what they said, did they say anything at all? does it even matter?

chill out and learn to value others’ experiences and views and opinions as much as you do your own

and if you’re only doing this because you’re freaking out about public speaking, i completely feel you. and i just really encourage you to think about it this way – imagine the speaker is you. after a thousand moments of standing at the knife’s edge waiting to speak and being so afraid of fucking up immeasurably in front of all these people, would you really want all your effort to be wasted on someone who couldn’t even be bothered to listen attentively for a minute?

x Natasha


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